i'd build us some wings
by Gabs
Summary: Kara knows someone has to tell Eliza. (post-4x10)


_the way that we would break on the day that the world was over_

 _the prayers we prayed when the love started getting old_

 _or the lines we'd retrace knowing I couldn't hold you over…_

Eliza's surprised - and more than a little apprehensive - when she returns home to see the kitchen light on. It definitely hadn't been on when she'd left for an early dinner with friends. Phone in hand, 911 pulled up and ready, she slowly opens the front door and scans her living room.

"It's me," a familiar voice calls, softer than normal, and Eliza relaxes, locking her phone and slipping it back into her pocket.

"Kara, honey, what a surprise," she smiles at the young woman on the couch, her gaze wandering to the kitchen.

"Just me. Alex isn't here." The words are soft, again, and harmless on their own, but something in them draws Eliza's full focus - her mother's intuition, maybe. Something's not right. Turning on a lamp, she takes a moment to actually look at Kara, and what she finds does nothing to reassure her. She's sitting on the couch, tucked as close to the arm as she can get, her arms wrapped around her midsection and downcast eyes focused on the coffee table. It's a posture Eliza hasn't seen from her in years, but one that was all too common in the first few months on Earth as Kara tried to come to terms with losing her world.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Cautiously, afraid of spooking her, Eliza moves closer, but doesn't sit on the couch with her. Alex had always been the only one Kara would accept in this state, and the realization makes her stomach clench. "Is Alex…?"

Kara draws a shaky breath, finally meeting Eliza's eyes. "She's ok, physically."

"You know that clarification doesn't really help me feel better?"

She runs a hand down her face, shaking her head. "Me either," is the whispered response, and Eliza places a comforting hand on her knee, silently urging her to speak. "It's my fault, Eliza."

"What is?"

"Alex… she did the stupidest thing she's ever done."

Eliza can't help a slight smile at this. "I'll grant you, I don't know literally half of what she's gotten into over the last 5 years, but just from the things I do know? That seems like a high bar to clear. She did willingly fly a dysfunctional pod into space."

"Yeah, and that was because of me too." Eliza grimaces; she'd been trying to break the tension, not make her adoptive daughter feel guilty.

"Why don't you start at the beginning, tell me what's going on, and let me help you?" So Kara does, giving her an overview of Colonel Haley and catching her up on developments since the sisters had seen her at Thanksgiving, her voice flat as if giving a report. Eliza doesn't have to wonder who she learned that from.

"And that brings us to this week. Haley got fired up and decided to go all in on finding Supergirl's identity. There's only a handful of agents left here who know it - most have restationed, like Lucy, left the DEO, like J'onn, or died, unfortunately. So Haley's interrogating them, and apparently she's pretty good at it. Agent Cadle says she's almost as good as Alex." Eliza raises an eyebrow at the pride in her voice for that fact, but Kara doesn't seem to notice. "And they're all good, they're all trained, they all thought they could hold up against her…"

"But someone cracked," Eliza deduces, and Kara nods. "So Haley knows now?"

"Knew, for about an hour. J'onn wiped that particular memory and we thought we had time to figure out the next move. But Haley somehow got access to an alien called a truth seeker. No one can lie to it or hide truths from it, not even J'onn." Eliza leans back slightly, the dread in her stomach growing.

Kara's head flops back against the couch, sad eyes staring up at the ceiling. "And so Alex… Alex did what she does best. Threw herself at the problem and found the most efficient way to protect me." When Kara doesn't continue, Eliza shifts closer again, reaching out to grab her hand.

"What did Alex do?" Eliza whispers.

"She knew the truth seeker would find it, and the only way to stop it was for none of the DEO agents to know the truth. J'onn wiped their memories of the connection between me and Supergirl." Kara's voice trembles, and Eliza closes her eyes.

"And then Alex had him wipe her mind, too."

"You caught onto that a lot quicker than I did," Kara says bitterly, and Eliza opens her eyes.

"Kara, it's not your fault. Alex will always do anything to protect you." Guilt settles heavily on her shoulders, all too aware of where that drive came from, but Eliza pushes that away. She'll deal with it later; right now, she has a daughter to worry about.

Kara finally lifts her head from the back of the couch, meeting Eliza's worried eyes with heartbreak in her own. "When she told me what she was going to do, she said, 'let me save you this time,' like that isn't exactly what she's been doing my whole life on this planet. Like she hasn't done that a thousand times over already."

"She still knows Kara Danvers, doesn't she?"

"Yes, but she's known I'm an alien from the beginning. My identity, my secret, her protectiveness… they've all been wrapped up together, _we_ have been wrapped up together for half her life. That's a lot to undo, not just a few minutes or even a few years of knowledge. Eliza, what if it fundamentally changes something? I am who I am because of her, in so many ways, that if someone just went back and cut her out of everything that mattered, just smudged her memory even a little bit… I wouldn't be me. What if it's the same for her? How can J'onn possibly reconcile her memories in a way that makes sense without driving her crazy or destroying her sense of self?"

"I don't know, honey. And I'm guessing J'onn isn't so sure either."

"He's never done something this… intrusive to someone who meant so much to him before. He told me, after, that he'd done everything he could to keep our lives intact and just blurred those parts, but that's… a lot of parts. He didn't want to wipe her because of those concerns, but he's just like me; in the end, he'll do whatever Alex needs." Eliza nods slowly, grappling with the idea of relearning her daughter all over again. Of keeping such a huge secret from her.

"Have you seen her? Since? Did everything go ok?"

Kara sighs, her gaze once again dropping. "The wipe was yesterday afternoon, and I couldn't bring myself to stay in there while it happened. My sister made the biggest sacrifice of her life to keep me safe, and I couldn't even hold her hand while she did it."

"She wouldn't blame you, Kara," Eliza points out gently, knowing it wouldn't actually help.

"No, but I do." Kara sniffles, wiping her nose and determinedly keeping her head down. "I took her breakfast this morning. She seemed lethargic, like when she's just gotten over a cold that she was pretending she didn't have and didn't take anything for." Eliza snorts at the description, and Kara even allows a small smile. "But other than that, she was fine. There was no Supergirl crisis today, so she hasn't seen me in that way yet. I don't know how Alex, of all people, won't recognize me in a heartbeat when she does. Unless J'onn did something to block that kind of cognition."

They're both quiet for a few minutes, Eliza's thumb carefully stroking the back of Kara's hand, until Eliza finally finds the courage to ask the hardest question. "Can it be reversed when this is over?"

"I don't know," Kara whispers. "J'onn couldn't really explain, I think because he's still hurting over it, too."

"He should be," Eliza snipes, even knowing she shouldn't blame the Martian. Kara's head tilt only confirms this.

"Eliza, he only-"

"Did what Alex asked, I know." Another sigh. "I know." There's another painful silence until something else occurs to Eliza. "Couldn't she have quit? Avoided all of this?" Kara's brittle smile immediately makes her wish she could take the question back.

"My fault too. She was ready to quit earlier in the day and I talked her out of it. We need Alex at the DEO. I know she hasn't always been level-headed about the work, but if Haley and the President are allowed to go unchecked…"

"The DEO goes right back to the Henshaw days," Eliza finishes.

"Yeah. If not worse. But if the choice is dealing with that or losing my sister…" Kara trails off, shaking her head as tears fill her eyes.

"You haven't lost her, Kara. Nothing on this Earth could ever do that. Have faith in her to find her way back."

"And if she doesn't?" Eliza's breath catches, even though she'd been expecting the question; there's no good answer for it, nothing that will make either of them feel better now.

"She's still Alex. You're still Kara. You girls get to make new memories together, and you get to keep the old ones safe. For both of you." Kara's face crumples, sobs overtaking her as she wraps her arms around herself again. This time, Eliza moves to the couch, sitting as close as possible and putting her arms around Kara - something she'd seen Alex do so many times. It takes a few moments, but eventually, Kara releases her grip on herself and turns her face into Eliza's shoulder, carefully returning the hug. They sit like that for what feels like ages, Eliza gently rocking her daughter as Kara's tears slowly subside.

"I don't know how to do this without her," Kara eventually whispers, and Eliza understands that she's not just talking about being Supergirl. She also understands that words will provide no comfort yet, so she just tightens her grip and presses a kiss to soft blonde hair.

Eventually, Kara's torrent of grief ebbs, leaving her quietly leaning on Eliza's shoulder. The older woman, on the other hand, only feels her own heartache expanding, and when it feels like it's been long enough for Kara to be ok with it, she excuses herself to the kitchen under the excuse of making tea. She stands, watching the water begin to boil, trying to settle herself and fight back her own tears at the thought of just how much her beloved daughter had sacrificed. She bites her lip, bowing her head, and isn't surprised when she hears the gentle voice behind her.

"I know you're our mom and you've always tried to be strong for us, but it's ok to cry in front of me now. Especially for this." Eliza turns to see Kara looking at her with soft, red-rimmed eyes, glasses long abandoned, and she holds out her arms. Kara is there in a heartbeat, pulling Eliza into a careful hug as her hands stroke her hair soothingly. Eliza accepts the comfort offered, finally letting her tears fall on Kara's shoulder.

"She's so brave and I'm so proud of her, and I don't think I've possibly told her that enough, and I can't even tell her now because she'll have no idea why."

"It's never a bad time to tell her that," Kara assures.

"I know, and I am proud of both of you, I hope you know that. Proud of the women and especially the sisters you've become."

Kara sniffles, and Eliza feels her nod slightly. "I do know. I am too." They stand there until the water finally boils and Eliza half-heartedly makes two cups of chamomile tea.

"Thank you for coming to tell me in person."

"Of course. It was for my sake just as much," Kara admits. "And I know you two talk on the phone regularly, so you needed to know before then."

"We aim for once a week," Eliza sighs wistfully. "Unless the world is ending and one or both of you have to rush into danger, which is more often than a mother would like."

Kara huffs a laugh as she leans against the counter. "Well, if the aliens and Haleys of the galaxy would stop trying to destroy everything, we wouldn't have to do that so often."

"Speaking of, have you considered just throwing her into space?"

"More than once. Apparently, that's not very heroic."

"Justifiable, in my book," Eliza grumbles, drawing a snort from Kara. Her cell phone buzzing draws her attention, and Eliza studies the various emotions that flit across her face as she reads the message.

"Emergency?" Eliza wonders, surprised at the genuine smile that follows.

"Yeah, an emergency called Alex has no food in her apartment and wants Chinese tonight." She types a quick response before pocketing the phone and looking up at Eliza. "Guess it's time to start making those new memories now, huh?"

"So it would seem. Just don't lose faith in her; she needs you now more than ever, even if she doesn't realize it yet," Eliza says softly, squeezing Kara's shoulder and hoping she realizes it's not meant to be criticism.

"Don't worry, Eliza, she's got me. Always."

 _cause_ _if I had everything_

 _i'd build us some wings  
and fly back in time_


End file.
